Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
