He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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