You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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