New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
