in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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