I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
