I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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