i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
