Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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