she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
