Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
