so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
