You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
