My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
