she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
