No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
