What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
