Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
