the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
