He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
