remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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