someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
