oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Are we still banned from the library?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize