I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
