how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
