I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
