that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
