Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
