I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I CAN MOONWALK!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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