my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
