I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think my moral compass just broke
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
