i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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