I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
