i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize