I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
