So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
