Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
