she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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