k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
