I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
