STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Be still, my beating vagina.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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