me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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