So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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