It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
