you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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