i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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