Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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