Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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