3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
