Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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