I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
