i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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