My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
