waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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