when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
