the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
