i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
