I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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