in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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