Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
