K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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