Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
