he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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