I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
