the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
