i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
