Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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