it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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