my mouth tastes like poor choices
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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