she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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