The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize