I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
