I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize