I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
