I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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