I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
