my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
