im about as happy as oj after his trial
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
