Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
