That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize