shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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