I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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