Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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