Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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