This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
