My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
