if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
