are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
