Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm too high and old for this...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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