Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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